Today I was sitting in the waiting area while Minion was in his occupational and speech therapy sessions when another mom I’ve gotten to know asked me if I decided what I was going to do about his preschool options. We’d talked previously about Minion’s upcoming evaluation at a preschool serving children with special education needs. The preschool has a great reputation and has a fantastic computer lab, playgrounds, and “extracurricular activities.” Additionally, students who qualify receive therapy during school hours.
I explained that while we found out that Minion does indeed qualify for the free preschool, we decided not to move ahead with enrolling him. This mother then confided that she had recently withdrawn her own son from the same preschool because it was proving to be too much.
For us, the decision was a difficult one. When you have a child, with special needs or not, you want to do “everything” you can to help them develop in the most optimal way possible. You read books to them in the womb. You play countless rounds of rhyming finger games to help with their speech and fine motor skills. You worry about how many hours of tummy time the baby got in that day so they won’t be delayed in their gross motor skills. As they get older, the comparison game only intensifies! Johnny in playgroup is reading at three! Your friend’s daughter Olivia is taking Mandarin, karate, and ballet to stay well-rounded. Mikey from church has a fully-funded college account.
The second-guessing and guilt settles in as you watch your own child picking his nose and putting on his shoes backwards. Am I doing enough? Am I doing everything I can to help him be successful in life?
So the temptation to enroll him in this special preschool was great. Despite the fact that it would be a 30-minute drive each way for three hours of preschool four times a week. Despite the fact that he is actually already advanced in his vocabulary, math skills, and problem solving. Despite the fact that he already has excellent therapists that he sees on a weekly basis. Despite the fact that I felt in my gut that the drive and the school would be “too much” for my son and for my daughters.
This other mother asked me how it was that we came to this decision. My simplest answer? “As a parent, you want to do everything you can for your child. But sometimes, doing everything you can is just too much.”
Our family is striving to live a happy, fulfilling, optimal life, and we truly believe that simplifying is a major component of this. Simplifying doesn’t just mean clearing out the clutter in your home, it means clearing out the clutter in your schedule and in your children’s schedules.
Some of my favorite days are spent at home. My kids play outside, read great books with me, sing songs and learn rhymes, cuddle up, and make meals together. Yes, Minionette #1 and Minion have dance class on Tuesdays. They love it. But I’m going to bless my kids by not filling up their schedules with good things. I’m going to bless them by leaving room for great. By letting them get bored to the point of being forced to use their incredible imaginations. I’m going to leave them space to have a down day or a down week. I don’t want to give them everything and rob them of a carefree childhood.
So much recent research is showing how we are forcing structure and formal education on our children too soon, and how this is, in fact, detrimental to them long-term. So instead of feeling guilty when I see other children doing incredible things, I’m going to work on being thankful for the space and simplicity of this time with my children.
Also, as a quick update on my Throwaway Thursday, I went through Minionette #2’s wardrobe and picked 25 articles of clothing to either donate or recycle.
